My Absolutely True Excellent Adventure in Sherwood Forest

My journey through Sherwood forest was frought with danger, but I made my way safely to town where I made inquiries about Robert Fitzwalter. At the local tavern, the barmaid informed me that Fitzwalter is the leader of the barons who are fomenting a rebellion against King John. Aftter I bribed her with my Golds Gym membership card, she also reluctantly informed me that many people believed Fitzwalter was also the leader of a band of vigilante bandits; they called him ... Robin Hood.

If I were a medieval maiden I would have swooned. I did manage to look suitably impressed however. After the wench left I stared at the dirty tavern wall and suddenly remembered something important I had learned from a very credible historical source (the movie Robin Hood, starring Russel Crowe). Robert Fitzwalter's rebellion had forced King John to eventually sign a landmark historical document called the Magna Carta. Without this charter, documents such as the United States Constitution would not exist; it promised all citizens basic legal rights and due process and made the King accountable to the law of the land.

As I sat there with a lightbulb flashing over my head, I suddenly heard men whispering in a corner. They were knights dressed in livery that looked very official. I overheard them say that they were going to attempt to kill Robert Fitzwalter; a spy had informed them he was present in the town, and was shodding his horse's shoe at the smithy.

I couldn't allow this to happen; I realized what the time machine had intended for us to do and quickly ran out of the tavern to find Robin Hood and warn him. So I did find him. Go figure, he's much shorter than I expected and looks nothing like Russel Crowe or Kevin Costner. Bummer! He thanked me for the warning and disappeared into the mist.

Mission accomplished.